Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.
This is the Third of The Four Agreements by, Don Miguel Ruiz
We all have the tendency to make assumptions about every little thing. The problem with that is that we start to believe what we are assuming. When we start to believe what we assume, we swear that they are real. We make assumptions about what others are thinking and feeling without having a clue and then we take it personally. When we take it personally, we attack them and send poison to them
with our words.
Here’s an example:
The trash is overflowing. Mary says “John, the trash is overflowing.” John tells her “Okay.”, and John continues to read his book. Mary becomes upset with John for not getting up and
taking the trash out. She yells at him and tells him “I said the trash is overflowing, you never listen to me!!” Mary is very angry with John, but she didn’t communicate clearly that she wanted
the trash taken out right then, and she made the assumption that John knew that is what she meant.
Mary created needless drama and sadness for no reason.
Here’s one more example:
Jenny and Jane have been friends for a long time. They have always been there for each other through thick and thin.
Jane makes some new friends, but they don’t really care for Jenny.
Jenny calls Jane and wants to make plans to go shopping on the weekend.
Jane tells Jenny, “I am sorry, but I made plans with so and so.” Jenny becomes angry because Jane’s new friends don’t include her. She takes it personally and makes the assumption that they are talking badly about her to Jane and so now Jane would rather shop with them then her.
Jenny lashes out at Jane and accuses her of not wanting to spend time with her as much anymore. Being so upset, Jenny calls another friend and complains to her. Gossiping about Jane and her friends.
Jenny created needless drama and suffering and she started to badmouth and gossip. This just spread so much poison.
Instead of taking the time to talk to Jane about how she felt, Jenny went based on her assumption and drove a wedge in the friendship.
It is so very important to communicate as clearly as possible about what you want and what you need. If you’re not sure about something, ask.
It is a tragic mistake when we assume another “KNOWS” what we are thinking or what we want. Always make sure.
Remember, we only see what we want to see and hear what we want to hear. Each of us has a different perspective. This is often what happens in love/marriage. We meet someone, date and move forward. After a while of being together, issues arise because we have different ways of doing things. We tell ourselves “I thought he/she was perfect and like me. I thought we had the same goals and ideals. What happened to this person?” We made the assumption that we both thought the same way, but we never took the time beforehand to really sit and talk about our values and ideals. Think about how many relationships could be saved had the couple communicated clearly rather than making that assumption, or how about being in a store and you see someone you find attractive and you smile at them.
They smile back at you and your heart skips a beat and you make the assumption they like you.
That person was being polite, but you end up disappointed because you made an assumption. Making an assumption about anything is rather selfish, because they are not true and when you do this, you make it all about you when it really isn’t. Making an assumption leads to breaking of the first two agreements. Making assumptions causes needless pain and suffering.
No matter what the situation may be, DON’T MAKE ASSUMPTIONS and you will live a happy peaceful life.